I am missing you

The morning I received the call from our close friend that you had gone away from us, I could not believe it. I felt as if it were a “sick joke” you and him had schemed in order to make me cry! I felt as if you were, any minute, going to pick up the phone and “laugh” at me for being so stupid to believe that you were gone. I felt as if my calm and steady everyday routine life had come to a standstill. I felt as if my world were to crumble because it could “not” be happening, reality had twisted and turned into a surreal feeling of numbness and disbelief because you are really GONE!

I then, once I had  accepted the reality of the situation at hand, went over to one of your friends’ house and saw our close friend and your love and they, by the look of sincere mourning and grief confirmed the truth, that you were really gone. I spent the next two days just having an inner war between a part of me who just could not find the logic in your departure and the part of me that tried to console the other in its grief.

 On Friday it all became real as, “us” your friends, decided to have a day in your memory all of us together; friends old and new drank and played poker and spoke of all our jointed memories that made you as a whole. It was indeed a nostalgic time as I and our close friend at first could not “really” speak to each-other because without you it seemed unnatural and foreign. I then decided to break the ice so to speak and start by reminding him of the times when we were little kids on the summers, our truly fun times, innocent and  sweet times, the greatest of memories for “me” at least. It brought an instant knowing smile to his face and our making fun of you began. Not a mean mockery of you but just the things that go on as kids our embarrassing moments as a whole. Friday was a sad, fun, beautiful, day that should have included you and hopefully you found the time to be there.

It is Monday now and I still cannot wrap my mind around the “idea” that you are now away from us, but I do realize that time will be the only thing that can heal my heart and mind, and help my acceptance of your departure. I will stand by your love as she is, to me, a piece that you left behind and help and support her anyway I can. I love you friend.

I am now found…

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